


Breakfast in Bed

by AlloftheFandom



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aprons, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 10:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14932131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlloftheFandom/pseuds/AlloftheFandom
Summary: Dave was not a very good cook and he knew that.





	Breakfast in Bed

It was rare that Dave ever got up before Karkat did. Neither of them were morning people and they tended to sleep until the early afternoon most days which they made up for in going to bed at ungodly hours in the morning. Karkat was usually the one to wake Dave up, normally having to drag the covers off of him to get him out of bed everyday.

There were of course exceptions, days when Karkat's insomnia had been particularly bad or when his depression immobilized him and kept him glued to the bed for most of the day. Dave would generally leave him be on those days to rest and recover unless Karkat asked him to stay. However, there was a final exception to their routine: Karkat's birthday. Which is why Dave was lethargically dragging himself out of bed at 9:30 in the morning when he would've much rather been still curled up and asleep.

He slipped into the boxers he'd left on the floor that night and he started digging through his underwear drawer for the "special surprise" he'd begged Kanaya to make for him, much to her confusion. He dug through the drawer, shoving all of the very assorted contents of the drawer aside to get to his prize. It was still in the box it came in, since he chickened out of opening it when it arrived in the mail.

He quietly lifted the lid off of the box and retrieved the garment out of it. He slowly shut the drawer and hurried out of the room to assess the item he'd endured a lot of harassing from his sister for. He sincerely hoped the look on Karkat's face would be worth it.

The garment, which he now held before himself, was a dusty pink apron with a lace trim. He wasn't expecting the strawberries Kanaya had embroidered on the corner, but he certainly wasn't going to complain about it. They looked hella cute and complimented the whole thing nicely. The back was even tied into a neat bow that he knew if he untied it he would never be able to get it to stand up the way if was ever again. Luckily, it looked like he could just slip it over his head and clip the neck piece together.

He shimmied his way into it, careful not to push too much on the middle and accidentally undo the bow. He clipped the neck together with some effort and went to take a picture of himself to send to Kanaya as she'd asked for pictures of it on him. It took patting himself down for it to dawn on him that he had left his phone on the bedside table in his rush to get out of the room.

He cursed to himself and contemplated how much he would actually need his phone during the whole thing. For the sake of the apron he decided he needed to get his phone before it got completely ruined by his attempts at cooking or what he hoped would happen when Karkat saw him.

With an annoyed sigh, he pushed the door back open and rushed over to his side of the bed, nearly tripping over the pants he left on the floor last night. Maybe Karkat was right about him needing to keep his shit more organized and clean. Nah, probably not. He snatched his phone off the table and hurried back out into the hall, quietly shutting the door behind him.

He snapped a picture of himself and sent it to Kanaya over Snapchat, before shoving it into one of the cute little pockets in the apron. He wondered if it made his ass look nice and he considered taking a picture of his ass just to see, but he wasn't that conceited. Then again, he could save the picture for a rainy day and send it to Karkat while he was busy with diplomatic bullshit. He'd probably skin him alive when he got back, but Dave considered it worth it.

He got his phone back out and tried to angle his phone to get a good picture of his ass. He took a few and put his phone away before heading downstairs to start on what he was really up early for: attempting to cook his boyfriend breakfast in bed.

Dave was not a very good cook and he knew that, Karkat was by far better than him at it, but that wasn't particularly hard to accomplish. He was fairly certain that everyone he knew was a better cook than him considering a majority of his friends either grew up having to cook for themselves or enjoying cooking. He hadn't had the particular luxury of having anything to cook with readily available to him as he grew up. He was jealous in a way, but he mostly didn't care that much. It saved him some extra work most of the time and he didn't mind always getting stuck on dish duty.

He pulled up the recipe Jane had sent him when she heard from Dirk that he was going to make Karkat breakfast for his birthday. It was a fairly simple recipe, one that he was fairly certain he wouldn't completely fuck up. He got out all of the listed ingredients and got to work.

Everything was going well for the first five minutes. The bacon was coming along nicely and he figured he could leave it for a minute while he got started on the eggs. That was his first mistake.

Things started going wrong left and right, the muffin batter was coming out way lumpier than it was supposed to, no matter how much he stirred and while he was vigorously stirring the bacon started burning. The whole kitchen was filled with smoke by the time he took the bacon off the heat and he took the eggs off too, even though they looked like they were fine. At least that went okay.

He opened a window, trying not to cough from how much smoke had acumulated in the kitchen. He wasn't even fully sure how such a small amount of meat could cause such a large volume of smoke. His phone buzzed and he felt his heart drop into his stomach.

Great, he'd woken Karkat up with his bullshit lack of cooking skills and now he was probably grumpy that the house was all smokey. God damn it, why did he have to fuck up his birthday? Why couldn't shit have just gone right?

He hesitantly checked his phone and was pleasantly surprised when he realized the message was from Jade and not a disgruntled Karkat.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:49 --

GG: dave why is there smoke coming out of your house???

GG: and why does it smell like burnt bacon???

GG: actually wait dont answer that, its obvious

GG: breakfast in bed not going as well as youd hoped?

TG: how tf did you know

GG: ;)

TG: ugh

TG: i mean

TG: thats one way to put it ig

TG: idk how shit went so fuckin sideways

TG: its like one second all the bacons just hangin out havin a good time

TG: theyre j chillin at porky pigs bbq

TG: thats his name right

TG: the looney tunes one

GG: i think so?

GG: i never watched looney tunes :p

TG: neither did i

TG: anyways

TG: so its hot as dicks out and he decides to start throwing guests on the barbeque like theyre frozen beef patties

TG: the smell of delicious burning pig flesh fills the air

GG: ew

TG: shits gettin real wild and the sweet scent of pork quickly turns to burnt asshole

TG: and porks is all frantically trying to get everyone off the grill

TG: poor motherfucker thinks itll help

TG: its too late bro

TG: that burnt pig flesh smell will never leave you

TG: itll always haunt you man

TG: maybe youll learn next time

TG: maybe now you know the true value of friendship and neighborlyness

GG: are you done?

TG: yeah i think so

GG: okay cool, im gonna come over now and help your sorry ass

TG: hey uh wait maybe dont do that

TG: jade ive got this under control

TG: its chill you dont gotta come over

TG: i can just make more bacon

TG: and maybe more muffin mix

TG: idk if i have enough blueberries left

TG: the other shit looks like some sort of fifties movie monstrosity

TG: shit straight up looks like its gonna come out of that bowl and start eating me

TG: fuck knows i cant kill my own creation

TG: i wouldnt kill my own baby boy now would i?

TG: how is he any different

TG: im sorry yall if this is how i go this is how i go

TG: play toxic at my funeral

TG: tell karkat i love him

TG: fuck no wait i cant die its his birthday

TG: i cant ruin his birthday thatd be so fucked up of me

GG: dave could you please let me in

TG: uh

GG: ?

Dave looked down at his apron. He couldn't face Jade like this. She'd never let him forget.

TG: listen

GG: i already got the spare key from under the mat im coming in

TG: jade wait

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

It took a total of three seconds of Jade being in the kitchen before she burst out laughing. She doubled over and Dave felt a furious blush come over his face. God damn it, this is exactly what he wanted to avoid. He just wanted to look all nice and cute for Karkat and do something sweet, but why would he ever get what he wanted. Well, might as well take it in. After all, it could be worse. He could've been naked under the apron.

Jade didn't stop laughing for a whole minute and Dave thanked the stars that Karkat was a heavy sleeper. He could really do without the double embarrassment from both of them laughing at his pink clad ass.

"You good?" Dave asked flatly.  Jade gave him a weak thumbs up in response.

"Sorry haha..." Jade giggled. "Nothing could've prepared me for that!"

"Fair. I did try to warn you, though." Dave said.

"Not really." Jade responded, straightening up a little. 

"You tried to stop me, but not warn me and that was your mistake."

"That may be true, but, if someone is insisting you stop why would you keep doing it?" Dave asked. Jade simply shrugged in response. 

"Okay okay okay, one last thing." Jade said, already pulling her phone out. "Can I get a picture of you?"

"What kind of question is that? Of fucking course you can." Dave responded, laying across the messy kitchen table.

She giggled at the picture and put her phone away.

"Alright, let's see if we can't make this less shitty!" She exclaimed, throwing out the heavily burnt bacon.

\---

Dave ushered Jade out the front door after they finished arranging the tray. He needed for it to just be him and Karkat for awhile before any of the real birthday festivities ensued.

He carefully padded up the stairs, trying so hard to keep his hands steady so he didn't spill anything. The last thing he wanted was to have to do everything again... again. He pushed the door open and set the tray down on the floor for a moment to open the curtains and let some light into the room.

Karkat grumbled and turned away from the light. He opened his eyes, glaring at Dave for letting light in the room so early. Dave thought it was adorable.

"You'd better have a good fucking reason for waking me up so early, Strider." Karkat growled, pulling the blanket over his face. Dave picked the tray up and presented it to him.

"Happy birthday babe!" Dave cheered

"Dave, how many times do I have to tell you," Karkat grumbled, throwing the blanket off of his face and sitting up "Your human birthdays mean dick to me. They're frivolous nonsense that people just use as an excuse to eat a bunch of sweets and act like pan-dead imbeciles. Also, what the fuck are you wearing?"

"What, you mean this little ol thing?" Dave said, mimicking a southern belle. "Why it's nothin, sugar."

"Stop doing that accent, I hate you." Karkat growled.

"You look stupid."

"Sigh." Dave said with a very fake sigh. "I go through all the trouble of making you breakfast and all you do is relentlessly bully me. What did I ever do to deserve this?"

"Existed." Karkat responded flatly.

"Harsh." Dave said, setting the tray down on Karkat's lap.

Karkat started eating and seemed pleasantly surprised at the quality of the food. Dave wasn't sure he'd ever seen Karkat eat so quickly and was a little concerned about him throwing up.

Dave took the tray off Karkat's lap when he was done and set it next to the door so he wouldn't forget to take it down to the kitchen later. He laid down on his side of the bed and cuddled up against Karkat. He felt a wave of exhaustion come over him and he wanted to drift off to sleep, but he was interrupted before he could.

"So who helped you cook?" Karkat asked, rousing his dozing boyfriend.

"What? Hey, rude. I'll have you know I cooked all of that on my own!" Dave exclaimed, lying.

"Yeah, likely fucking story. We both know you can't cook to save your life or someone else's. So who was it?" Karkat said, sounding humored by the whole situation.

"No I swear it was no one, Jane sent me a recipe, that's it." Dave lied once more.

"Mhmm." Karkat hummed, turning away from him.

"Baby I swear it was just me." Dave insisted. Karkat stayed silent.

"Baby please, I pwomise. I wouwd nevwer betway youw twust wike that." Dave said, wrapping his arms around Karkat.

"Talk to me like that again and I'll cut your tongue out." Karkat threatened. "And I know you're lying you're a shit liar."

"Hey!" Dave interjected. "I am not." Karkat looked over his shoulder at him and have him a look.

"Okay fine..." Dave whined, giving up. "Jade helped me, but I didn't even want her to. She just showed up 'cause I burnt the first batch of bacon and she thought our house was burning down. I just wanted to do something nice for you 'cause it's your birthday and I like doing nice things for you."

"Dave, you didn't have to cook for me, yknow." Karkat said, turning toward him once more. "There's a lot of other shit you could've done for me instead of trying to cook and almost burning our hive down."

"Okay first of all, I didn't almost burn the house down. And second of all, I wanted to surprise you with a breakfast and sexy apron combo, but yknow I guess somethings don't go as planned. It's like this morning was the unplanned pregnancy of mornings like, oh shit maybe going the safer route was the better idea. And like nine months down the line you're gonna look back and be all like, shit man, maybe I should've aborted this bitch, but ig im a mom now. Then three years down the line they're signing the divorce papers and-"

"Dave, please fucking stop your asinine horseshit for one second. It's my birthday, I think-" Karkat started.

"Hey you finally admitted that it's your birthday." Dave pointed out, smiling like a dope.

"What did I just say?" Karkat asked, eyes narrowing.

"Yeah yeah, I'll shut up. You may continue, your birthday majesty." Dave joked, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead.

"I really appreciate you making breakfast for me and I was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. You really didn't have to do all that for me, I would've been fine with just a happy birthday." Karkat admitted a little sheepishly. "I love you so much, thank you for caring so deeply about me."

"I love you too." Dave murmured, giving him another kiss. "You don't have to thank me for caring about you, though. It kinda comes with the whole loving you thing."

"I know, I just wanted to say it." Karkat said, nuzzling against Dave's neck.

"You're too sweet for your own good sometimes." Dave said, pulling him closer.

"Only sometimes? Rude." Karkat mumbled, sounding fake offended.

"Yeah, only sometimes. You're a little asshole most of the time. Like fuck dude you didn't even appreciate my sexy as hell apron. I got this thing made up all fancy and cute and you don't even give it the respect it deserves. Did you see my ass in it? My ass looks slammin." Dave rambled.

"I'm sure your ass looks decent, but the rest of you looks like a frosting dumpster fire." Karkat grumbled, picking at the neck of the apron.

"You wound me so." Dave sighed. "I thought I was working this thing like some sort of hot baking model."

"It's certainly some sort of look." Karkat mumbled into his neck.

"I'll take that as a compliment, thanks baby." Dave laughed.

"Fuck off."

"Nah, I think I'm good here." Dave said, giving Karkat a soft kiss on the top of his head.

**Author's Note:**

> haha hope this aint complete trash  
> happy late 6/12 lol


End file.
